Project Update (Plague)

I want you to wish me luck with 2011.

I really need this to be a productive year. In January of 2012, I need to be in a seriously different place than I am right now. Hoping I’m not jinxing too much (REALLY hoping), I’ll say that I think I’m on the right track. I just have to take care of business. And, you know, do that thing I used to do back in 2008 and 2009. Fuck, I forgot what it’s called. You know, that thing that was not at all difficult for me in those years and that I actually did really well and effortlessly made progress on at a consistent basis. That thing I need to get back to instead of fucking around all the time. Oh yeah. It was called writing.

I made a fuck ton of new year’s resolutions for 2011. It’s something I never do, but I’m hoping I can stick to most of them. All of the resolutions constitute fundamental lifestyle and attitude changes that I’m hoping will help me with my little work ethic problem. REALLY hoping.

So yeah. I gotta go now so I can get started on that.

This stupid fucking book. I swear. I want to finish it at this point for no other reason than I’m fucking sick of thinking about it. That reminds me, cursing less was NOT and never will be among my resolutions.

Project Update (Plague)

I have nothing to say.

I’ve been very quiet lately. I’ve been almost invisible online and in life. What I’m feeling right now goes beyond the typical complaints of “this book is driving me crazy.” What this book is doing to me is becoming a crisis that relates to every facet of my life. I’m having trouble writing Plague, to say the least, and the primary problem seems to be that I don’t have the motivation. I’m not excited about writing this. I can’t come up with the plot resolutions, compelling characters and gripping descriptions I need to figure out for this book and I’ve recently had to come to terms with the reason why. It had been frustrating and confusing and maddening because I didn’t know why this was so hard for me when it had been so easy in the past. But now I think I understand and it’s an idea as scary as it is simple.

I have nothing to say.

Project Update (Plague)

I just read on someone’s blog talking about Lady GaGa at the VMAs that “insane is the new mainstream.” Fucking…I WISH that were the case. If that were true, my shit would be flying off the shelves. No one writes about insane, sociopathic people better than I do right now. I’m just the best one doing it. But maybe if I have Rachael Mercer wearing a dress made of meat at some point during Plague, it’ll give the book that little extra appeal to push it over the top. Because that’s what the people want.

But anyway. The biggest problem I’m having right now is the CONSTANT back and forth going on with my motivation to write this thing at all. It doesn’t just change from day to day, it can change from hour to hour. One moment, it’s “I’m definitely writing this thing and it’s going to be great because there won’t be anything else like it and it’s going to be the best thing I’ve ever done etc etc etc.” Then in a matter of minutes, it’s “Forget it, there’s no way, this book has no appeal, this is will be a pointless waste of 4 to 5 months and who the hell tries to make the THIRD part of a series their debut novel?” And then back to positive. And then back to negative. And back. And forth. In a never ending cycle.

You don’t understand what this is like.

Ultimately, though, like I’ve already said in previous thinking-out-loud posts about this book, it will probably get written because a) I’ve got no other ideas and writing nothing at all will be an even bigger waste of time and b) the “you never know” factor. At this point in my life, Writing A Novel isn’t the huge, big deal, life-altering undertaking that it’s supposed to be for most people. I’ve said the phrase “I just finished writing my book” so many times that the words have lost all meaning. So I guess I just need to get over any hang ups and do it. It’s impossible to predict what will happen or how successful something will be. Sometimes you just have to write for the love of the game and hope for the best. But the motivational back and forth is driving me crazy. I guess that’s all I’m trying to say.

GAAAHHHHHH. I do not recommend this choice of lifestyle.

Project Update (Plague)

I’m in trouble.

I keep repeating that to myself lately. Things are looking increasingly bleak. I’m never sure of anything anymore. I constantly feel like screaming. I’m making a lot of irresponsible, reckless decisions. I’ve got this unrelenting feeling of fear in the pit of my stomach. And it’s a panicky, immediate kind of fear. But it’s about the general concept of the future so there’s no real remedy to make it go away. Funny thing is, this is almost exactly the kind of mind state I’m trying to write about in Plague, but there is a yawning chasm of disconnect between me and this book right now and it’s making it almost impossible to come up with new ideas for it. So yeah, that’s…that’s funny. Not haha funny.

With my first two books, there was never a single second of doubt or insecurity about what I was doing. I suppose that had a lot to do with not having accrued the amount of rejections that I have at this point. Now I just don’t have that same hubris, that same passion and exuberance that used to make writing so much fun for me. More to the point, so EASY for me. But despite the subjective problems I’m having with the project, the objective promise it shows is what will ultimately get this book written. When you’ve written as much as I have, even if it hasn’t gotten out there (yet), you learn a lot in the process and I think Plague has the potential to be the best thing I’ve done.

Or not. I mean, who the hell knows.

Finesse Those Frowns (New Project)

I’ve decided my fourth novel will indeed be Plague of Euphoria. I’m starting this project with no reservations about it, but also not knowing what to expect as I only have a vague idea of what it’s going to be about. Outlining begins tonight.

I’m also going to be experimenting with more young adult stuff. Mostly just on the side, as an afterthought. Very short stories/vignettes. I really wish I knew someone who could draw because I’d love to do a YA comic book or graphic novel. Oh well.

I might be writing a lot of posts here about the project as it goes on, so I apologize in advance. I know you don’t care. You’re not really supposed to. It’s mostly for me because I kind of regret not documenting the process of writing my other books.

Haven’t really written anything since around March. Good to be back. Here we go.

Plague of Euphoria

I have two basic options for my fourth project. 

Project Update (Say Goodnight)

For those not in the loop, Say Goodnight is the novel I’m currently working on. It’ll be my third.